失去了感觉~

脑海里常常浮现出了收悉的画面，
收悉的脸，收悉的地方，收悉的场景，但伸手触摸时，却好遥远。
那些回忆，仿佛象是刻印在我脑海里了。怎么抹也抹不去，怎么擦也擦不掉。
但回忆的存在，并不填满了我的心，反而越多的回忆，心就越空。
空虚的心，像是停了心跳，不再痛，不再滴血。
很天真的以为是个好的开始，是个结束悲伤的起点，
但很遗憾的原来什么都不是。
他的出现，让我从拾了快乐，他让我笑，让我依靠。
原以为他是我的未来，是命中注定陪伴着我的人，但现实的生活却不允许。
一天一天的过去，他的爱意毫不减少。
他所付出的，我知道，我明了。
他所做的，我都感受的倒。
可是，我已失去最原始的我，我已失去初恋般的热情。
和他相处的每一天，都很快乐，
但脑海里时不时的出现了哪些收悉的画面，每一次的出现，都紧紧地揪出我的心。
我害怕着自己又把他当了替身，我害怕着又在一次伤害对我好的人。
我没有勇气去爱，也没有勇气对他好。
我害怕，有一天的我，会伤害他，我害怕，有一天的我，会离开他。
他对我的爱，太完美，而我对他的却，太不公平。
原谅我不能接受你，原谅我食言，原谅我除去不了别人的阴影。
这样的我，太不值得你去爱了。
对不起。

试着努力不伤害你~

有句话藏在心里，一直很想告诉你，但却害怕伤害到你。你对我的好，对我的体贴，关怀，我真的感受到了。但毕竟我们的感情发展的太快，我还没能接受的了。
曾受过的伤，不是一时一刻就忘的了。我的恐惧仍然存在。哪怕你说我懦弱，但我只是在保护着自己。
我从不吝啬的对你说出我的爱，但我希望你明白，若你爱我，那就让时间证明我真的可以放心的把我一生托付与你。我从不把感情当游戏，但越是认真，受伤害的几率越高。我经不起在一次的伤害。
我的忽冷忽热，不代表我不在乎你，但我只是在提醒自己，别陷得那么深。
我哭得好累，好痛。我不想再让眼泪控制我的人生。或许我是自私。但我只是躲在我自己的防卫线。有错吗？
每当你对我越好，我就越怀疑它的持久度。害怕着越是依赖，失去时越伤。你对我的了解有多少，我对你的忍耐又多少，这都是个未知数。就让时间慢慢的考验我们。
若你真的爱我，我希望不是单单恋人般的爱，而是一生一世的爱。
我迟迟不肯正面地接受你，只是害怕着，这是一场玩笑。我答应过自己，不再为任何男人流眼泪，我答应过自己，从不谈没把握的恋爱。 我答应过自己，只对自己好。
至于你，我希望你能了解我。。

the new life of me~

This is the first blog of mine in english version, although i am not chinese educated, but i love to use chinese words to express my feelings.. know why? bcoz i juz felt tat chinese words are very meaningful and powerful.. or in other words, may be i'm not strong enough in english~ wadeva, i love to being who am i in my little world here..

Few weeks ago, i was still live in the life that keep on crying on my pillow, drive alone and turn around, beach-ing alone although its midnite.. i found that no one around me can really truly understand how i feel.. i felt that i was so alone..i was afraid of being loved or loving others.. bcoz i found out that whenever i truly fall in love with someone, whats all i get from it is hurt and tears.. or may be i am weak~ but i dun think i am tough.. Friends, if my face really show toughness, dun believe yea, coz you will nvr know how weak is my heart is.

In between the period, of course they are still friends that keep encouraging me.. but sumtimes i juz loved or get used to being alone.. bcoz they dunno what am i thinking and dunno how i feeling.. sometimes, one or two comfort is ok for me.. but lots of it juz make me felt that u dun understand me at all.. so what for? i remember one of my fren, who is named as ryan kah hung... had given a phrase, he said "if u feel sad, then juz cry.. but after that, remind urself, this will be the last time to cry for him." the words of him inspire me that i should not treat myself that badly.. so after that i did cry.. i cried as loud as i could.. and i had make a promised to myself.. this will be the last time..and it really is the last time =)

After that, i was playing and partying around with lots of my new friends.. but it really an enjoyable time that i had spent with them.. and bcoz of maxie i had knew lots of new frens too... really thanks a lot.. You know wut, sumtimes he will still bump into my mind... but at least, i had get used to the life that missing him alone.. but there is sumthing that nvr changed.. i still will check for his profile everyday i log in to facebook.. i still will search for him whenever i know he will be at that place. but at least, i had stopped crying~

Today, i had checked his profile as usual, and i saw some comments on his wall post.. it make me fking moody (i know its rude, but i love to being rude in my world, so wad?).. after that, he had suprised me bcoz he chat with me in the facebook chatbox.. but it comes with disappointment coz i thought he will ask me about my wall post but not "netbook"!! craps!! sigh* he will have no idea what am i feeling rite now and what am i thinking..

wadeva, i think i am not going to in a relationship for quite a long time.. but i do enjoy my single life very much.. =D

i know he love me.. but its too late bcoz someone had bumped into my heart.. i will try to forget him.. and i will try to gain back what we had before.. but i dunno when i can succeed.. what i need is time.. and yet it brings unfairness to you.. so this will be your decision to wait or not..

Its 1.02am right now.. and i am going to have class in few more hours.. so i should go enjoy my dreams now... this is the first time i blogging in english.. but of coz i still prefer in chinese.. wakakaka~ but from now on.. i will only write chinese whenever i feel super moody and the rest of the time i will use english version.. Thanks for reading.. goodnitez!! ^^