This is the first blog of mine in english version, although i am not chinese educated, but i love to use chinese words to express my feelings.. know why? bcoz i juz felt tat chinese words are very meaningful and powerful.. or in other words, may be i'm not strong enough in english~ wadeva, i love to being who am i in my little world here..
Few weeks ago, i was still live in the life that keep on crying on my pillow, drive alone and turn around, beach-ing alone although its midnite.. i found that no one around me can really truly understand how i feel.. i felt that i was so alone..i was afraid of being loved or loving others.. bcoz i found out that whenever i truly fall in love with someone, whats all i get from it is hurt and tears.. or may be i am weak~ but i dun think i am tough.. Friends, if my face really show toughness, dun believe yea, coz you will nvr know how weak is my heart is.
In between the period, of course they are still friends that keep encouraging me.. but sumtimes i juz loved or get used to being alone.. bcoz they dunno what am i thinking and dunno how i feeling.. sometimes, one or two comfort is ok for me.. but lots of it juz make me felt that u dun understand me at all.. so what for? i remember one of my fren, who is named as ryan kah hung... had given a phrase, he said "if u feel sad, then juz cry.. but after that, remind urself, this will be the last time to cry for him." the words of him inspire me that i should not treat myself that badly.. so after that i did cry.. i cried as loud as i could.. and i had make a promised to myself.. this will be the last time..and it really is the last time =)
After that, i was playing and partying around with lots of my new friends.. but it really an enjoyable time that i had spent with them.. and bcoz of maxie i had knew lots of new frens too... really thanks a lot.. You know wut, sumtimes he will still bump into my mind... but at least, i had get used to the life that missing him alone.. but there is sumthing that nvr changed.. i still will check for his profile everyday i log in to facebook.. i still will search for him whenever i know he will be at that place. but at least, i had stopped crying~
Today, i had checked his profile as usual, and i saw some comments on his wall post.. it make me fking moody (i know its rude, but i love to being rude in my world, so wad?).. after that, he had suprised me bcoz he chat with me in the facebook chatbox.. but it comes with disappointment coz i thought he will ask me about my wall post but not "netbook"!! craps!! sigh* he will have no idea what am i feeling rite now and what am i thinking..
wadeva, i think i am not going to in a relationship for quite a long time.. but i do enjoy my single life very much.. =D
i know he love me.. but its too late bcoz someone had bumped into my heart.. i will try to forget him.. and i will try to gain back what we had before.. but i dunno when i can succeed.. what i need is time.. and yet it brings unfairness to you.. so this will be your decision to wait or not..
Its 1.02am right now.. and i am going to have class in few more hours.. so i should go enjoy my dreams now... this is the first time i blogging in english.. but of coz i still prefer in chinese.. wakakaka~ but from now on.. i will only write chinese whenever i feel super moody and the rest of the time i will use english version.. Thanks for reading.. goodnitez!! ^^
